dancebear8504 blogging at elowel.org
i've been great. that's all i can say. my last week here in the big o. my mouth is still a little sore.. but, i'm a tough girl. :-) haha. yea, i felt like doing this survey, so, enjoy! edit: steph, make sure to look at the pic i have up on my myspace now! hehe

full name ~ Stephani Ann Castleman-Brewer
nicknames ~ Steph, Stephy, pooh bear, george, sex machine (haha!!)
birthday ~ nov. 4, 1985
age ~ 19
school ~ Lindenwood University
fears ~ creepy crawlies (spiders and snakes), dying alone and unloved, heights
bad habbits ~ when I get nervous I tear my nails off (no good), checking away messages, spending money/shopping

~:~ characteristics ~:~

eye color ~ blue/green
hair color ~ right now: brown.. and I’m keeping it that way!
hair length ~ past the shoulders.. I’m letting it grow.

height ~ 5' 6”
piercings ~ belly, nose, ears.. soon… tongue
tattoos ~ lower right side of my back.. someday center of my back and maybe my toe
braces ~ nevah
glasses or contacts ~ both.. glasses since 4th grade.

~:~ friends ~:~
nicest ~ everyone… or they wouldn’t be my friend? lol
funniest ~ liz(z), angela, becky
weirdest ~ I dunno….
tallest ~ donna
shortest ~ probably steph… or lizz.. how tall are you guys?
creativest ~ jess, lizz
craziest ~ becky for dang sure
friendliest ~ ?! jess, steph
flirtiest ~ lol..abby
loudest ~ becky… Kendal.. lol, abby
shyest ~ nobody? Prolly jess…

~:~ favorites ~:~

color ~ pink, green, orange
movie ~ …….dirty dancing, sleeping beauty, full metal jacket (good one), zoolander.. as you can tell, I can’t choose. haha
song ~ I can’t have one of those.. impossible! At the moment.. picking wildflowers.. and black keys – the desperate man
band ~ big and rich, black keys, eminem (not a band, I know)  pretty wide range, lol.
sport ~ football/baseball <- they tie now! Yay! STL!
hobby ~ dancin’
computer game ~ sims. But no time for that. I love bejeweled.. lol
subject ~ history.. duh!
holiday ~ thanksgiving or Christmas… love family (and friends) time.
season ~ fall
book ~ harry potter of course, the givern, truffles from heaven
disney character ~ Sleeping Beauty!
saying ~ OMG! (sorry guys!)

~:~ this OR that ~:~

movies OR music ~ music
day OR night ~ night
magazine OR book ~ depends.. book.
pink OR black ~ pink
rainbow OR black nd white ~ rainbow.
dog OR cat ~ cat!
thunder OR lightning ~ lighting
huming OR singing ~ singing
apples OR oranges ~ apples!

~:~ Random ~:~

do u like to decorate christmas trees ~ eh… when they’re fake and I don’t get sick
how many sports do u play ~ dancing….lol. 1? Maybe dodgeball next year!!
wuts ur current status ~ single… kidna…
wuts ur favorite tv show ~ anything on history channel, what not to wear, CSI, Law & Order
do u like to swim ~ sure
do u write poems ~ not really
r u obsessed with surveys ~ I do like them I must say
do u believe in aliens ~ I guess its possible.. I dunno
do u have a ghost in ur house ~ most likely.. I live between two cemeteries…
have u ever been to Ocean City ~ no
are u in love ~ I could be..
do u like drew barrymore ~ yes. Yes I do.
do like school ~ yeppers! (NERD!!!!!)
were u born in january ~ hell no.

<3_ Have You Ever _<3

called 911- no.
had a dream come true- yea.. yea.
had a wish come true- I guess?
broken someones heart- probably.
had ur heart broken- o yes, I’m experienced in that department.
had a boyfriend/girlfriend- yes
told someone how u feel about them- yea, last night actually! CRAZY!

<3_ School _<3

where do u go to school- Lindenwood University!! :-D
wuts ur favorite subject- history :-D
wuts ur school colors- black and gold
wuts ur school mascot- LIONS!! growl
wut grade are u in- sophomore in college (weird…)

<3_ Favorites _<3

restaurant- steak and shake, carlos o’ kellys, mt. fuji
place in ur house- my bed
drink- juice… milk.. steph’s little concoction on 4th of july mmm mmm mmm
snack- cookies or chips.. it depends!
time of day- dusk

<3_ The Last _<3

person u imed- donna
person who imed u- carey
place u went- mike’s house
thing u ate- taco bell.. yummy
person u hugged- Michael RYAN kennedy.
person u yelled at- hmm… I don’t remember.. haven’t yelled in a looong time. Gooood stuff
person who called u- mom
person who u called- mike
song u listened to – bob Marley…. exodus

<3_ This OR That _<3

salt OR pepper- salt
bbq OR regular- probably bbq
pink OR blue- pink
blonde OR brunette- brunette or black.
sugar OR spice- spice.
rap OR rock- both. Sorry.. I can’t compare them.
camping OR boating- camping
skateboarding OR surfing- surf.. but I live in Nebraska. Haha, it’s all good.
:-) 08-05-05 21:31
::sigh::
ouchie ouchie.
Got my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday.. sorry if you've tried to call.. i've been trying to keep the talking down to a minimum.. especially on the phone cuz I can't talk all that clearly and when I do it starts to hurt. but besides that, I've been great! haha. had surgery yesterday at 7:45 am.... got home about 9ish.. (am) it was really short.. then mom and i just sat around ALL day, it was so nice! i was suprised she sat around so long with me.. usually she doesn't... she feels like she has to do something. micheal visited me during the day.. before his Zio's thing.. which i thought was so sweet. he also brough his bear that I LOVE SO MUCH to have while i'm healing. isn't that sweet? ::sigh:: then he came over later that night @ about 10...and we played monopoly - that was a blast! :-) haha.. went to sleep when he left. This morning I woke up and wanted to cry.. ouch! no good no good. but I did sleep til about 1:30 this afternoon.. 12 hours of sleep.. not too shabby. Mike came over again to keep me company about 3 (when hegot off work) and he left me about 11:15 tonight. ::sigh:: suprised he didn't get sick of me not really talking too much. :-) he bought me mac 'n cheese from KFC.. so yummy. I can't wait for solid foods! :-)
the worst part is that I just feel lazy.. like i should be doing something.. but it's kinda nice to not have to.. that always helps! Right now I think I'm gonna take some medicine and head for bed.. :-) Have a good weekend everyone! Write to you later!
<3 Steph
07-30-05 21:31
::sigh:: i wasn't suppose to fall for anyone this summer.

because I have to leave him.

but I thank goodness that we are the way we are, and that we both want the same things. :-)
::sigh:: i just hope he's telling me the truth and I'm not really hurting him.

07-24-05 22:16
hello. good night.
just got home.. should be crawling into bed considering i shall wake in 4 hours. o well. i cleaned and packed all day today. but, it wasn't toooo shabby.. because I knew I'd be seeing michael later! and i did!! he took me to sam & louie's - because we were both curious about it.. it's okay. while we were there the game started.. the 1st inning was awesome. lol. but mike just kept making fun of me. o well. it was exciting. then we went back to his place and he watched harry potter & the s.s. he'd never seen it before - and I think it means something that he watched it all with me. haha.. aww..now i'm home. it wasn't crazy thrilling.. but time with him is always nice and relaxing. :-)
well.... not too much else...
i'm leaving tomorrow to go to dance camp with my team. MY team. lol. i'm excited.. and very nervous! but, it should be great. i really can't wait to get back down to school. ::sigh:: start this year off right.. looking back at where i was last year to where (and who i am) this year.. it's crazy. and i love it! :-) yes, yes i do.
alrighty, well, I'll let you know how it all goes when I get back thursday night.. :-)
have a good week!
<3 steph
07-22-05 13:23
aww, it has been a while my friends. I've been very distracted lately, I apologize... where to begin..

Friday mom and I went shopping for something to wear to Am's wedding.. and then I went to the Harry Potter book release! mike came along with me.. even though he has no idea who harry potter is. ugh. haha. I got my ticket and then mike bought us dinner at old chicago! yum yum! we then proceeded back to borders where I talked to jordan a little bit and mike and i read fun children's books all night (the only section we could find a decent spot to sit). I felt horrible because I felt like I was dragging him around and boring him... but I promised him that if there was something like this he would ever go to.. I would go with and follow him around. haha. FINALLY got in line! I was soooo excited! and then.. I turned my head.. and saw ben. i had a hot flash. ha. I was suprised and shocked along with - 'damnit'ness. we didn't say hello or anything.. which sucks in a sense that we did spend like 4 years together.. but, I was okay with it.. I had better copmany! FINALLY got my book - I jumped up and down! haha. said bye to Jordan.. and went over to mike's and hung out.
All saturday I had to study (which upset me because I wanted to be reading HP!) but, I had to study. I'm a good student.. haha. that evening I went down to lincoln to see my dearest stephanie! I love that girl so much! we always have the funnest time.. and great conversations! :-D about funny shtuff. We hung out on sunday and went country dancing that night.. out at Pla Mor. It was SOOOO fun.. I felt bad that Steph's night had to be ruined by a stupid jerk that was probably just showing off. then we went to IHOP then watched Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. :-) I came home monday... and studied again.. all day until my test @ 6. took my test and FINALLY started reading harry p! i was EXCITED. most people had already finished it.. but, I had distractions. Tuesday, I had a date with the oral surgeon! aww, how lovely! I get my wisdon teeth pulled on Aug. 4th. ( no hard partying before i leave... :-( ) Mom's taking the day off to help me out.. my surgery is at 7:45 am.. mike said he'd take care of me when he wasn't at work. :-D :'-) After my appt... I FINALLY SAW ANGELA!! !!! I helped her pack (with adam) and load and unload her shtuff. she has lots too! lol. Her house.. that's so freakin' awesome. I really hope I can crash there a lot! I can't really tell if Michelle likes me... but, I guess we'll see. After that fun time.. I went home and read all day. Wednesday - I read all day. haha and hung out with mike after class. Thursday was another lazy day.. (i deserve 'em! really.. i do!) And I finished hp last night. OMG. bawled my freakin' eyeballs out. seriously. ahh. it was a GREAT book though.. I honestly think it is one of my favorite.. I just love how much they've grown up.. and I loved seeing some of the secrets unfold. :-) ::nerd alert:: haha.
Tonight I'm going to my cousin's (Am) pre-wedding bbq thing. bringing a date.. which is weird to me since we're not really 'dating'. but, he'll help me stay sane. which is a nice thought! I back SOO many cookies..like, 6 doz. for tonight, and hopefully there will be some leftover that I can bring to the lake tomorrow. tomorrow is am's wedding and lizz's bday!! :-) yay! i'm excited! I haven't seen her in a while... strange.

okay, I've typed a lot! hope I caught ya up! haha. Have a wonderful friday everyone!
wow, it's been awhile...
haven't been up to much... busy these past few days closing down soho and all. i honestly felt like crying when I left westroads today.. it was so bare. i resent any business that moves into the location. ::sigh:: it's crazy.. i've been with those people and that store for a looong time.. and it had to end so suddenly.. :-( but, now I have a little break before I go back to school! that'll be sweet! sounds like i'm going to be getting into trouble.. in more than one way. of course.
Well, everything is awesome, lovin' life. a little confused in the love life or just boy dept. we won't call it love life. things with mike haven't gone a LOT further than ever planned.. honestly.. didn't expect to talk to him for more than a week or so.. you know just good times here and there. but, its cool.. just unexpected! I feel horrible that i'm leaving him in a month.. but i warned him! and he's the one that fell for me first!
I plan on rockin' the errands tomorrow and cleaning... hopefully going to lincoln in a couple days.. for a couple days! to see my bestest stephanie! we might perhaps be getting a tattoo together.. i think it'd be AWESOME! maybe not right away.. but, we'll definitely keep it in mind. and I haven't forgotten about my tongue piercing.. mom doesn't wanna see it.. but I don't really want anyone but smitty to do it - and mom is helping me go back down to school.. so, maybe I'll get it down in St. Charles, where I get my nose done... hmm... i dunno.
blah, i'm rambling. i shall post tomorrow, with much detail of everything fantastical!
O!!!!!!!!!!! HARRY POTTER! SATURDAY! HELL YEA!
06-30-05 22:05
i still just can NOT get over the fact that I dated one of THE BIGGEST hypocrties on the face on the planet. it really bothers me. but not to tht extent of ever talking to him ever about it. just to the extent in growing in happiness of his hypocracy being out of my life.

Well, told Eric and Mike about each other. and told them both what i've been saying ALL along - that I don't want a relationship, with anyone. I just need to liveon my own - because I depended on Ben for so long, and he wasn't the right person to depend on, ya know? I need to know how to be single and depend on myself. But, I really like both these guys. Pros and cons of both, of course. Most obvious con: Eric lives 10 hours away. But, I can't ignore our connection.. i can't! there's just something about him and our conversations.. and his :::sigh:::. but mike, he's a great guy.. but I told him from the VERY beginging that I didn't want it to turn into anything.. because I live in STL 75% of the next 3 years. and, well, I just wanna be able to not have relationship stress - even though it's probably not as bad as I'm used to. eric said he was proposing if he came into Omaha.. i'm not sure if I should take it seriously - but I REALLY want him to come here. is that selfish? even if I can't tell him I want to be with him right now? He's going to Egypt in Sept. for 45 days. that's so awesome. but, I don't think he's getting restationed. :-( o well. I'm not good at this situation - both these guys are totally wanting a relationship.. and i'm having to fight myself off. it's weird for me.. it's usually opposite. I just don't want to hurt either of them... Mike said he was sad, but not mad at me, cuz I had told him that I didn't want to be serious.... and Eric seemed a little upset, and was a little sorry he ever acted funny, but I told him it ended up okay. because it did.
Sophomore year will be the year of Stephani learning about Stephani. Yep. cuz I'm starting, and it's a good thing.
Well, I've been having lots of these 'insightful' posts lately.. haha... but, i'm out. but I shall leave you with a song that I heard today - that I sang with the windows down and blaring, singing my lungs out. It made my day 10x EVER BETTER than it already was! :-D

I used to live in a darkened room
Had a face of stone
And a heart of gloom
Lost my hope, I was so far gone
Cryin' all my tears
With the curtains drawn
I didn't know until my soul broke free
I've got these angels watching over me

Oh watch me go
I'm a happy girl
Everybody knows
That the sweetest thing you'll ever see
In the whole wide world
Is a happy girl

I used to hide in a party crowd
Bottled up inside
Feeling so left out
Standing in a corner wearing concrete shoes
With my frozen smile
And my lighted fuse
Now every time I start to feel like that
I roll my heart out like a welcome mat

Oh watch me go
I'm a happy girl
Everybody knows
That the sweetest thing you'll ever see
In the whole wide world
Is a happy girl

Laugh when I feel like it
Cry when I feel like it
That's just how my life is
That's how it goes

Oh watch me go
I'm a happy girl
And I've come to know
That the world won't change
Just 'cause I complain
Let the axis twirl
I'm a happy girl
06-25-05 02:27
:::sigh::: :-)
havin' a great time and absolutely thinking this is my best summer EVER! honestly! i'm growing into my own and not worrying about crap that never really should have mattered.
i discovered today that ben thoroughly screwed me up. i honestly think that our relationship has made me build a wall between myself and guys whom are interested. i'm scared that i give myself up and let them in to my world.. that eventually he'll just leave me and never care about me again. but, not all guys are immature and assholes and hypocrites.. which is good. but, i think the wall could be good for a while.. i wanna be single and really be myself for a while.. it's fun.. not that i can't be myself while i'm with someone.. but you know how it is when you start something new with someone, yea.
I decided today that i REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY want to get my tongue pierced. why? because you're only young once! it's not expensive.. and it's pretty darn easy to have. I would definitely take it out once i started teaching, because, well, i'd just want to have it while i can.. it's not permanent, and i'm not an idiot with piercings like some people - i learn how to take care of them, and especially with a tongue-if something started going wrong it'd be outta there! my teeth would def. take precedents over the piercing. i just wish my father wasn't so small minded and prejudice and realized that not everyone thinks like him and that I don't want to be around people that DO think like him, so they wouldn't care about it. i dunno.. my theory on piercings is that they aren't permanent and if you're not stupid about it.. it's fine. i just think it'd be fun. I think i've secretly always liked it and thought it would just be interesting.. but i never had the guts to ask about it.
yep, i'm REALLY good at wishful thinking. :( of course, i won't let my child do the piercing thing until they are old enough to pay and take care of it themselves.. and i'll probably be a little worried about it.. but i have a *optimistic* idea that the future is going to retrospect back to 1940's/50's values.. and stuff we love today is going to be lame then. haha. i guess maybe when I'm a grandma. maybe.
i'm rambling alot, i'm really good at that.. sorry everyone! i just like to ramble. i shall ramble later.. because i'm thinking alot lately about alot of things.
especially a tongue ring.

<3 steph.
::sigh::... i haven't been on in a while.. life has been treating me WONDERFULLY since I last posted. I partied all week long with Steph - and it was GREAT!! found a new... buddy.. and he's great too!
Monday night I stayed at Eric/Steph's - with mike, too, so that we could get up early and get in line for the Husker/ASU game. I stayed up REALLY late.. and got up pretty darn early.. and suprisingly felt awesome! haha. the game was amazing! ::sigh:: cute butts-hehe. no but really, I loved the game (except for the heat.. jeesh!) After that.. we went to razzy's (steph, eric, mike and i) and then went swimming at the shark club with lizz!! that was alot of fub - i don't go swimming very often, but it was fun. then we went to maggie moo's! yum. ice cream! then we went back and played a few card games.. good times good times (got home around 1). the next day i worked my first ever open-close shift! 11 hours! it wasn't too bad! and suprisingly enough.. I still had energy to partay! I didn't intend on staying all night... but, I do not drink and drive! so, that was all fun fun too! I came home this morning at like 8:30 am.. and mowed the lawn and did some housework.. thank goodness mom had already done a little, cuz i was a tired little girl. tomorrow I work... and saturday i work... and sunday is my cuz's baby shower! exciting! :-D then... I start class. ugh. :-P o well, it'll be cool.

so, life is treating me very well! I'm finally figuring myself out without the involvement of a boy.. which is a good thing for me i believe. I hope that I am also becoming a better friend to people.. and a better socializer with new people. 'twas my goal! yay!!
well, I gotta make a phone call and then go to sleep..
yay!
talk to you all later!
hi everyone.
So, i'm doing pretty dandy these days! everything seems to be going awesomely well!! yay!
talked to Eric the past couple nights.. i'm going to marry him... if he agrees to live in Omaha.. and that isn't a joke. seriously. He suggested we live in KS... so we're in the middle of both of the places each of us is from.. I say.. no... Omaha is a good place to be! haha, but I would also like living in OK.. you know.. a change of pace. haha.. I could even develop a southern drawl! that would be awesome! haha!
And there must be something amazingly hott about me when I feel like shit because when I met Eric I was sick.. and he fell in love with me.. and today I felt like crap ALL day.. and got asked for my number. what's the deal? it's all good.. whatevah! haha, maybe I should just pretend to feel sick all the time, I could be rich with boys! :-D that would be cool. haha.
Right now I'm waiting for Steph/Eric to pick me up.. we're going to the game tomorrow.. !!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!! HOT BASEBALL PLAYERS (and fans) ALL DAY LONG! WOOOO! man, it's crazy.. I was thinkin'.. Eric was almost on the OSU baseball team.. and they ALMOST made it to the CWS... wouldn't that have been crazy.. but then I might not have met him, so, it's okay. but what if we were meant to meet? (cuz that's how it seems..) and he was in Omaha playing baseball... how would we have met? I'm curious. wooo... my mind wonders when I'm bored.
hmmm... Yea, I think that's about it! I'm having a great summer here in the big o... but I can't wait to get back down to St. Chuck - it's such a fun place. you know? and I can't wait to hang out with my awesome new roomie.. and her friends.. they're awesome. :-D
Alrighty, that's all I have to ramble about! Talk to you all later!

GO 'SKERS!!!
gotta love those guys in those pants! :-D haha

<3 Steph
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