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4-5 months

they change everything.
In that amount of time, my definition of myself has changed. dramatically. my friend-scape has changed completely, and my thoughts about the future have been turned upside down.
In August, I was sad to leave Omaha, not sure what St. Chuck had in store for me this year, and not sure if I was really ready to go back. I was still hung up on Ben, and cried that I couldn't tell him good-bye when I left town. But coming back, I passed places that reminded me of Ben, like Pizza Street, and I just smiled, and hoped that someday perhaps we could be friends again. This summer and semster definitely changed me, but these last months. woah.
My friends.. it's been strange. I still consider Lizz, Liz and Angela great friends because they always will be.. but I can't remember the last time we really talked.. you know? But I still love them and would be there for them, and I know it swings both ways, but, you know. Stephanie, she's always been great at talking, I don't deserve her. But, you know? I mean, it's changed. Lynsey and Donna and Abby... they're the girls that have helped me through everything. I realized this when my mom called me about my great-grandma dying, and Donna dropped everything when she saw that my eyes were forming tears and came and hugged me. Then, Lynsey came home 2 seconds later and just started hugging me. It really showed me how much we've all grown (and I'm sure Abby would have to, if she'd still been there). Those girls mean everything to me. I guess that saying about 'high school friends are your best friends but friends you make in college are your friends for life' is true. It makes sense. They knew what to say to help me when my parents almost got divorced, and even helped me get over Justin and kept me awake those nights before tests. :-)
(sorry, that sounded soo corny!)
which brings me to my last point. my future.
Could I have made things ANY harder for myself? Where do I want to live when I grow up? Where do I want to try to teach? Pros and Cons:
St. Louis Pros:
*Lynsey, Donna, Abby, maybe my future husband???
* much, much better pay for teaching
* I love the city, it's amazing
*Only 6 hours away from mom, not toooo many
St. Louis Cons:
* my mom is in Omaha
* my brother is in Omaha (hopefully eventually)
*4th most dangerous city in America (thinking about my kids)

Omaha Pros:
* my mom, and family, friends
* Omaha North High School
* better town to raise a family

Omaha Cons:
* HORRIBLE pay
* no lynsey, donna and abby
* not as good shopping


See what I mean? tough stuff. But, I've got like, 5 more semesters left at least - to decide my biggest decision ever.

okay, i've spent way too long at the computer, I should go do something productive.

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